I worry...
I made a commitment to myself to write every night. I did this when I was in Kenya and it helped me process the everyday much easier. However, I realize that when I’m more of an extrovert I tend to write less and talk more. I guess I need to just process either way. Please forgive my lack of updates, but I have been subject to my mental state of post-it madness.
I confess to you dear friends I am worried. The what ifs are swarming around me like giant comic book bubbles over my heard. Just picture me with a gigantic questioning bubble over my head with a giant question mark. Yep, that’s me right now. I typically try to have all the answers and feel a great relief when I have them, but I honestly don’t know a whole lot of what’s about to take place.
Perhaps I should just begin to write out what some of the concerns are and maybe that will begin to make me feel better. So let’s give it a try, ready?
Fear no.1: Going through customs ALONE
I realized the other day that I have never flown out of the country by myself. I love to fly. I love everything about airports. I even love packing and waking up at an ungodly hour to stand in line with the crowds.
But, I also have this incredible problem with time and events. I tend to always show up a week, or a day earlier than before. So much so that whenever there is an event my friends write it on their calendars to remind me of the event and to make sure I didn’t show up on the wrong day. It happens a lot. All my good friends have really good stories to attest to this.
So I’m worried that I’ll get my flights/time zones confused and missed a flight. Kristin, was good about keeping time in Kenya/Uganda and I was so thankful for her. But I’m sure I can manage this time.
My biggest fear of the whole thing is going through customs. I hear horrible stories of how people are retained and questioned for a number of things and some are permitted through the country, others get sent back to their home, and others are NEVER EVER to be seen again. UGH! Ugh! Ugh! (Charlie brown style). If something were to happen to me, there wouldn’t be a witness as to where the custom officials took me. The poor folks from Mercy Ships will be standing at arrivals wondering where the heck is Liz cantu, and I could potentially be stuck in customs.
Why am I freaking out you ask? 1. Because of all the Spy movies I watch. 2. Because I travel with lots of electronics, 3. And because I have dry eyes, I will be traveling with tons of small liquid bottles filled with saline and serum. Those are just a few reasons to name!
Fear no.2:
I keep going over and over and over my checklist. I’m cutting corners of what is not necessary since I am still $1100 dollars short of my projected missions’ goal of $6000. However it’s been a miracle acquiring 5/6ths of the money in just short of a notice, and I’m so thankful for the friends I have that share the similar vision. But none the less (at times), I tend to worry. I made a simple list that averaged $6000, and not making that goal cuts some things out that I hope I don’t need.
Naturally anyone would tell me that my glass is more than half full, and to trust in God that it will all work out. So I’m trying!
Fear 3:
That fear 1 and Fear 2 have robbed me of my focus. In the midst of all of it, I am haunted and blessed by the before and after surgery images. And I’m humbled that I have been picked to have a small porthole opportunity to participate in someone else’s miracle. Realizing that an opportunity such as this is my miracle.
While I’m test packing and scratching/adding to my post-it list, something inside of me remembers the ship, the crew, the medical team, the patients that have already heard of our arrival, the partners that are praying for us all over the world, and I repent for the worry. And ask the triune God to keep me accountable to Him, to be mindful of this mission, and to share compassion to His creation.To not let fear 1, 2, or 3 take over me!
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