a break from work...to write.
I took a break from editing the footage I took of Kenya. There were so many thoughts going through my head and it overwhelmed me like an ocean wave. I could see the wave, which caused me to take my last breath and close my eyes and anticipate the deluge of emotion. The wave neared and the shadow covered me as it was soon about to engulf me in the tumult. Tears came down my face. The roads. The faces. The prayers. The tears. The sounds. The hope. The joy. The yes. The wave was not life threatening. The wave was not even scary. The wave swept over me and cleansed my mind once more. Similar to how a teacher wipes a chalkboard in order to prepare for the next lesson. A clean sweep. A memorable baptism into Him and His compassion for humanity.
So much has happened since I have been home. Home? It is funny to say that word. I do not find myself at home anywhere lately. Each spot that my feet stand or rest in just seems so temporal to me right now. Even my own bedroom. I had the hopes of flopping on my bed and taking a deep breath in but that did not make it home. I am just not sure where home is now.
Sometime homes are in friendships. I am very thankful for those. At the same time, I am thankful there have been others that have greatly wounded me and have encouraged my lack of trust in humanity. This week I saw one of the greatest people I have ever known marry one of the sweetest people ever. This week I caught a great friend in a myriad of lies to me. This week I confided in another friend my worries over my aging dog and she simply ignored me and looked out the window. This week I felt somewhat used by a friend far away. I wondered why this week was different from the rest. Why this had occurred? Why God had known about this the whole time, and was preparing me to make it through these circumstances?
Last night, I went to bed praying to Jesus. I even prayed while I was getting under the covers. I think I prayed myself to a deep sleep. This morning I woke up extremely early. Before I got out of bed, awareness was triggered. I could feel the presence of God in my room. I closed my eyes and relished in it a bit. I simply heard,
‘I am your home. I am your friend. Where you are, I am.’
He is a great comforter isn’t he?
So much has happened since I have been home. Home? It is funny to say that word. I do not find myself at home anywhere lately. Each spot that my feet stand or rest in just seems so temporal to me right now. Even my own bedroom. I had the hopes of flopping on my bed and taking a deep breath in but that did not make it home. I am just not sure where home is now.
Sometime homes are in friendships. I am very thankful for those. At the same time, I am thankful there have been others that have greatly wounded me and have encouraged my lack of trust in humanity. This week I saw one of the greatest people I have ever known marry one of the sweetest people ever. This week I caught a great friend in a myriad of lies to me. This week I confided in another friend my worries over my aging dog and she simply ignored me and looked out the window. This week I felt somewhat used by a friend far away. I wondered why this week was different from the rest. Why this had occurred? Why God had known about this the whole time, and was preparing me to make it through these circumstances?
Last night, I went to bed praying to Jesus. I even prayed while I was getting under the covers. I think I prayed myself to a deep sleep. This morning I woke up extremely early. Before I got out of bed, awareness was triggered. I could feel the presence of God in my room. I closed my eyes and relished in it a bit. I simply heard,
‘I am your home. I am your friend. Where you are, I am.’
He is a great comforter isn’t he?
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Gerry