God works mysteriously

For those of you that might not already know. I took a job back in HR and beautiful corporate America. I'm not sure why, but the idea to send out my resume again had some appeal back in November. I now sit in a grey cubicle. Near a grey desk. With a grey chair. With a grey computer. With a grey laptop. With grey windows. Grey light fixtures. Grey filing cabinets. 

And I ask you this, have you ever seen me wear grey? Exactly. The last time I wore grey, I was wearing a uniform at my christian high school. In fact, I bought a grey skirt last year with pleats. I put it on, and I don't know what possessed me. Scary. Haven't really worn it since. That was a side note. 

 

So in greycubeyland I'm so terribly bummed out. I'm suppose to be filing but it's so hard to do it. I do it daily and I just never seem to catch up. For every 25 papers I file another double amount appears. The over all job isn't bad. My boss is cool. My co-workers don't really say hi to me. EVER. But occasionally I get an assignment that seems to use my brain and some sort of my skill level and at that moment I enjoy being here but often times this is not the case. 

So I sat here and stared at my computer for about 15 minutes. Decided to read the CIVA website. And realized I'm not that talented. I like to take pictures, and I consider myself an art historian, but these people have it in their blood. They have MA or PHD. I wonder if I do, have it in my blood. 

I've wanted to be an art teacher forever. My brother in law asked me when I was 9 what I wanted to be. I said an artist. And teach others art. Teachers others to be free. Think I've thought the same way ever since. so do I, have art in my blood? I didn't finish my education and this is something that haunts me. How can I be a teacher when I didn't let myself be taught? I want to go back to school, but I'm so broke I can't even fix my broken tooth. So how does that work out? 

So I politely got off of my chair and went to the grey break room and got some water. Was about to go the cave when I thought perhaps I should read something else. And so I did. This is what I read:

We all are teachers and students. We all can encourage one another on the journey. In recent years some of my most significant teachers have included a Waffle House waitress, a tire salesman, a handicapped girl and a tattoo artist. According to Jesus, whenever just two or three of us gather in His name, we experience a deep spiritual fellowship that awakens us to the present reality of God's kingdom. Only the Spirit within us can mediate this reality. There are no rock stars.

For those of you that don't me. I'm passionate about so many issues on this planet. But mostly it boils down to one. People. Are people living to what God has blessedly prepared for them? I ask that of myself today, and the answer honestly is no. Which bums me out, and bums me out even further upon analyzing that statement. Yuck. So I pray. I simply told God, this is where I am today. Not sure if this is where I'll be tomorrow. But tomorrow is tomorrow and today is today. If I screwed up, I'm sorry. So sorry. Because I know God doesn't suffer if I'm not where I need to be. I suffer if I'm not where I need to be. Simple as that. But I asked for His grace one more time. And said help me to get to where you've called me to be. And then I read this part.

Today you are going to cross paths with someone with a longing inside. They may not understand it, but their soul longs to return home to God. You may be a very ordinary person, but because the life of God is within you, you have all the necessary spiritual resources to be Christ to whoever comes your way. Keep your eyes wide open; you just may be the nobody God dials up to help someone find home.

And I'm more than satisfied with God's answer to my petition. Maybe there is a reason I'm in greycubeyland. Maybe there is a reason I'm not YET a teacher. Maybe there is a reason for all of it. I think it has something to do with that last sentence.

....help someone find home.